Equilibrium “the condition of a system in which competing influences are balanced”
Events over the past few days have had me accept some serious truths and start to re-evaluate just who I am and where I am now headed, pretty much my life has always sat in perfect equilibrium , I’ve been lucky enough to have had the time , motivation , funds and energy to go chasing my dreams , I kept out of serious relationships until India’s mother , I walked in and out of work easily between adventures and always kept myself fit enough to grab any opportunity to climb or kayak that presented itself , I thought it would never end but over the past few years I’ve had a dose of “come back down to Earth” served to me on a weekly basis ,my break up and ongoing troubles between India’s mother and I ,the way my shops suffered from the recession and most problematic of all !! my accident in Vallouise which has now reared its ugly head in the most obtrusive life changing way and saw my shoulder degrade to a state that now necessitates an operation just for normal use…..
Originally I thought all I had to do was rest for a year and normal life would resume again but now I’m looking at at least another 12 months on a waiting list and then a 6-12 month recovery period , hopefully after the operation it will be strong enough to begin easy climbing and kayaking again and even then it may never be trustworthy enough for a remote kayak or climbing trip. Its like one of those stories that happens to someone else , except its happening to me !! But these are now the facts of my life and I have accepted them yet its hard to know just what I feel, I’ve kayaked grade 5 all over the world and I was a climber capable of E5 , a very lofty grade and one that I trained hard to maintain , its only been a year since my accident and already my gymnastic strength and abilities have all but disappeared , the man who once walked up the “100 steps“on his hands can’t even do a hand stand anymore , my finger strength is gone and my muscle tension a fraction of what it was .. after another 2 years out I will have to start from the very bottom again and I just can’t imagine what that will be like .
So what do I do now ? Well I’m about to embark on a serious plan to become a better runner , I’m putting thoughts of rivers and rock faces to the side , they are just negative baggage now, It’s great that I have been there but I wont waste my time dreaming of maybe when there are real possibilities in front of me !! I’m going to join the local running club , follow training plans and enter tough races , it’s the only positive way forward so I am about to take it , it’s not that I havent already been run training but I always thought it was a stop-gap between getting back to the rock/river , I never really gave it 100% , I did what was necessary to enjoy myself and get to the finish line but now I want a little more , of course I want to enjoy it first but now Id like to get more involved in the training , go a little harder !! go longer !! I’ve been lucky to have become friends with and been super inspired by the grand masters of Scottish endurance Mark Cooper , Paul Giblin ,Donnie Campbell, Andrew Murray ,Richard Galbraith , ,Davie Belle and Peter Gallanagh , through twitter I’ve met and followed guys like Ray Wise,Johnny Mullen , Sonny Winston , Andrew Fletcher and many more .. in fact running culture is so inspiring its hard to believe this didn’t happen to me sooner but I did already have 2 great loves maybe 3 😉 so it took a little separation time to leave my last relationship behind and start anew with my new task mistress of extreme running !!!!
“remember all my blog posts are my own experiences and my own interpretation, if you feel I’m wrong say so in the comments and we can also learn from your experience ………”
Id like to thank the Teviotdale Leisure Centre for its continued Support